Remarks

Introduction

What makes a human being become a poet? How does he choose his means of expression? Is it first and foremost pain and the pressure caused by pain or are there deep emotions that he is driven by to express himself, to make known something about himself? To destitute his innermost, to disclose his innermost. I am a human being in the central period of life. Neither young nor old. When I was sent to school, about the age of 6, I asked myself whether certain people may have been happy or not. Now that I have gone through my poems for another time, this comes into my mind again. I don't remember, what sort of conclusions I have drawn. Are people happy, are they satisfied with themselves or at all? That was an early question of me.

Intense feelings

Many years later I became aware of the fact, that I was one of the last one's who put on their clothes after sports. I nearly always was the last one who left the locker-room. For example after football. What is more, I once noticed that I always had a certain feeling of emptiness in these moments. In the afternoon after school I always was one of the first at the football field for the youth in our village. The first few boys coming together played at one goal. When there were enough boys we played at two goals. In the evening the last few boys played again at one goal. Nearly always I went home by dusk. In a way football and the intense feelings going together with it were my life. When I already had been an adult for a long time and had already painted for several years I again became aware of this feeling of emptiness. This time the feeling even was stronger. I brought my paintings to the photographer. When therefor I took the paintings from the walls in my room I suddenly was surrounded by four empty white walls. I felt lonesome and forgotten, just as though someone had taken away my personality. Just like football the colourful paintings gave intense feelings to me, absorbed me, gave identity to me respectively an intense awareness of my own person.

Characteristics of a poet

As well I get a strong feeling of forlornness when I leave a railway Station and nearly nothing but skyscrapers is to be seen. Myself coming from a small village, I get a feeling of anonymity and anguish. It's all different if I see the Silhouette of a village. With a steeple, pleasent houses, with trees and greenness to be seen. Then I feel at home. This is also the case if I see naturally formed villages of other cultures, for example villages in Africa with round huts. Dutch houses I consider to be very comfortable, they are often small but very individually formed. But as well I like very much asian palaces, the same it is with the Gaudi-church in Barcelona or the cathedral of cologn. I also find tents of Indians very fascinating. All that has grown up naturally I consider to be pleasant. Once I read a poem from Schiller. At a certain passage I felt something like the "character of eternity". I wanted to mark the margin of this passage with a circle. To my great surprise there appeared the Silhouette of a figure from the Easter Islands. Without lifting the lead pencil and without becoming aware what I was doing there appeared the shape of this figure. This is certainly typical for me. There is something activated within myself by an inner or outer Stimulus. If I find a way to express myself by a certain device something comes into being that exists already in myself as a complete whole(ness). Or I begin to put forward a sentence without knowing exactly what I want to say, but what I'm saying is at the point and sometimes surprises myself. That is possibly a characteristic of a poet. Solutions for Problems or firm structures like figures are deposited already as a whole whithin myself. To me the poet seems to be able to call away such "wholenesses" from the inside if he gives himself wholly away to intuition. To me there exists the exiting question of how far the conscious mind supports or betters up and completes intuition. So once I noticed that a beautiful green landscape might seem so aesthetical to me because there were many different greens, often only varying slightly. In this very moment my mind formed a rule. Intuition now has a rule, that the unconscious mind may know already for a long time. Nevertheless the awareness of this rule caused the utilization of the rule in my paintings and brings about good results in respect of aesthetic design. Nevertheless something others is restrained by the application of such a rule. So if the conscious mind wants to better up the aesthetic impact, I am at the same time instructing my intuition to help me going in this direction. If nevertheless I want to work expressively, is this an end of the conscious mind, too, then intuition turns to both aspects; and one can be eager, what results are produced by the combination of high asthetics and high expressiveness. Nevertheless it will surely be wise sometimes to follow intuitively the spirit without hoping for a certain result.

In short:

On the one hand I want to give way to intuition, so that sometimes intuition should work all alone without the conscious mind. On the other hand I want to take into account the human capability of awarenes of the conscious mind. Possibly it brings about the best results, if conscious mind and intuition can be united. There will at least be answers for problems that are utterly new, that humankind hasn't been confronted with up to now. Because the rules that are valid in art, are valid as well in respect of (technical) inventions and in our daily lives. If there happen mistakes in art no one comes to harm, at least not immediately. The more creativity is enhanced by art the better we are able to handle life. So the circle is formed again. Already as a child I asked myself if people are happy. Now as an adult I want to help finding out how human beings are able to prosper, how they can fulfill and give meaning to their lives. But also I want to help and make a contribution in respect of the new and gigantic tasks that have to be overcome in the präsent time and the future. As well in respect of the apparent and simple tasks. Until now mankind on the whole hasn't managed to evolve really in a spiritual-moral sense. There are nevertheless good promises and solutions to be found in the most different cultures, groups and by the most different persons. They are vital and reach far in the future, they are able to clear our way. In the future it should be possible to prevent wars and, if possible, as well catastrophes. Wars in the end are always the pure madness.

Withdrawal of the projections

A very concrete contribution of myself is the withdrawal of the projections. Not the other ones, the strangers, are the devils. It's me with my negative characteristics who is the devil. Not the other ones are the stars or the gods. Just like everyone else I bear within myself a devine spark. It's not only the pope who is humble, whom I adore for his ability to take himself utterly back. And damn, it wouldn't be for the wrong for me to be a bit more modest and humble. I don't get it licked. Up to now I simply was too much questioned as to be able to be humble. But I am standing on the shoulders of people who supported me, who helped me, who were there for me. I will at least now and than think of it. Not only the others are the ones that are cheerful. Despite all guilt that I have loaded on myself, despite all inadequacy do I have the right to be happy. It's not only the great mystics that are exclusively mystical. I am a mystic, too, I have something secret about me. And I am ready to give away something of this secret. And besides, if I am sad and cry, it is alright. It's painful to paint pictures that I don't like myself. Sometimes I am doing that. And then I'm down. But exactly that thrills me next time to make it better. It's also important to mention that perception may change. Pictures that once did cause deep pain am I able to look at more freely some time later. Then I believe that, at last partially, I have bettered up aspects of my personality. It's surely a feast, if it happens that I like a painting from the beginning on. It's important to me to be able to relativize one's perception. If I'm able to look quietly at something. A picture, a politician out of another country, a human being having another culture and belief, just then I will quietly be able to consider, how I may encounter this opposite. Then I am sovereign, qualmly bringing forward my point of view and my firmness gives my opposite stature, too. Up to now this is sometimes very difficult for me. But I am working on it - try to get insight into my own bad and good points out of silence and leisure. Paul Salvator Goldengreen Besides: Further hints about me as a poet and my devices of expression shall follow over the next weeks, months and years.